me

Naked!

unhappiness...

emptiness...

pain and anger...

all i needed was closure...

but came craziness!

and the door opened for closure

June 04, 2007

Y: Ei, hapi bday. =)
M: Cnu po kaw?
Y: Hulaan mo po? =)
M: Sori, nabura lahat ng mga # sa phone ko so im updating. If i knw u, hope u let me knw. tnx.
Y: O i gues khit nde nbura lhat ung numbr s cel mo, d mo p rin mlalaman kung cno ako. But i do know u. Lets leave it at that. Hapi bday ulit. =)
M: Ei, if ur sum1 i knw its d least i cud do to hav d persons name so tht i may thank him/her properly wit utmost honesty. Then again, if i had hurt u, im sori.
Y: =)
M: There is 1 person i knw who would reply the way u did. she is sum1 special to me, yet she didnt actually believe me when everything wasnt ryt. I nvr heard 4m her.
Y: So u r tnking that mayb i am her? Cno sya?
M: U tell me...
Y: Honestly... M not quite sure... S she part of d past?
M: Again, u tell me...
Y: Mmm... Y r u not sleeping yet? =)


June 05, 2007

M: Mind if i call?
Y: Y wud u need 2 do dat?
M: Jst 2 knw u again. If its ok?
Y: Dont u tnk callng me s way too xpensv 2 find out hu i am? O, mayb i botherd u 2 mch last nyt. M sori. It was a crazy tng 2 do. =)
M: Its ok.
3 missed calls
Y: Arent u supposed to b workng?
M: Ok lng... d nmn bz e.
5 missed calls
Y: Can't take a hint?
M: Don't u want to talk?
Y: No. Do u?
M: Sana, jst 4 me to thank u personally. Nagtataka lan me na...
6 missed calls
Y: Do u promis not 2 call again f i tel u hu i am?
M: Cge.
Y: Yeng
M: Ha? O ayan, at least kilala na kta. E bkt ayaw mu naman ako 2mawag.
Y: Wla lng. Told u it was a crazy tng 2 do. =)
3 missed calls
Y: Hay nku! Kulit!
M: We could talk.. Wala naman prob un eh. Tsaka iba # mu saken. Ung 0918 ang start. Nwei, i wil update na lan. If u dnt wnt pwd din naman.
Y: Haha. I told u n d mo rn malalaman n ako 2 kc m using my othr celphone. The 0918 cel s stil gud. Sowee tlga s pangungulit. Wla ko mgwa khpon e.
M: E bkt ayaw mu ko kausapin. Galit ka?
Y: Nde. Dont lyk talking s phone tlga =) anyway, admit it.. t was funny d b? Ay, i tnk nbuwisit k?
M: D naman. K lan. San ka work?
Y: s pque. Consultancy firm. Kaw, san work?
M: Meralco, anu gawa mu dyan?
Y: Nagwowork... Haha
M: I mean anu specific na gawa mu dyan?
Y: Environmental & technical consultant. D co hdles japanese mfg firms. Kaw, hulaan ko... Lynman? Hehe
M: Better, engr ako
Y: T was a joke. Mlamang lng engr k. =)
M: Tnx po.
Y: 4 greeting u a hapi bday? Welcome po.
M: D po.
Y: E pra san? 4 belivng dt u r an engr? Pwde k b nmng lynman? D nmn. =)
M: Ewan, icp mu.
Y: Gumaganti k h. =)
M: Y didnt it work out satin?
Y: D yta ako kgad nksagot dun a. So, u r thanking me kc it didnt work out?
M: D ko po sinbi yon. it is probable tht u didnt gve me a chance.. Stumped or concerned?
Y: Honestly, i dont know how 2 feel. Kc khit nmn masagot ung tnong, wud it stil mater 2 u?
M: Yes...
Y: Y? D b mas mblis iwan n lng lhat s past. Wat gud wud it do?
M: Put meaning to d past.
Y: Tntanong mo b yan s lhat?
M: Bkt lahat? Ganun b kadami?
Y: U tell me...
M: We almost made it.. I must admit, i had lapses. i nvr told u how i feel.
Y: And i thought u wer jst playing around.
M: No, i got scared bka ayaw mu
Y: And i had lots of nsecurities... I didnt tink i m gud enough 4 u.
M: Really? I felt d same way.. Knwing d kind of person u are...
Y: Huh? wat kind of person am i?
M: Strong willed...
Y: And it stopd u from saying anytng? Didnt u notice how i wud look at u as f u r d only person hu maters?
M: I knw i got scared that u myt push me away. I mean i did love u. i jst hope u felt it d way i held ur hand.
Y: I was hoping then dt d tngs we shared realy means smtng 4 u. Kya lng u wer always surounded by othr girls, d ko lam kung anong 22o.
M: No i wasnt.. again, im sori it was mostly my fault. If i had made the move, then i would hav won half of it. Remember, i almost kiss u then.
Y: I wish u jst did. Pro it s n d past now. Wla n tyong mggwa dun d b? Pro u r ryt. At least tngs r clearer now... Gave sm meaning 2 d past.
M: Cge po. Ingatz.
Y: Kaw dn po. =)

Y: Sori 2 bother u again. Pro pwde ako nmn mgtnong?
M: Cge.
Y: How long hv u waitd b4 u fnaly gv up on a posible "us"?
M: Matagal, kaht nung college pa i was stil hoping we could be together. U kinda repelled me.
Y: I wntd 2 4get u kc i was afraid u didnt feel d same.
M: Gud nyt.
Y: Nyt. =)

alter ego

much as i would like to hide it...
there's no denying the fact that...
i'm a bitch!

if people say that i'm lovable...
then they might not have seen beyond the surface...
in reality...
i'm just a damn good actress!

i can look perfect for you...
be the dream lover you want...
bring you to heaven and back...
even feign orgasm if i have to...
but don't ever expect to get more than that...
i am heartless, baby!

gosh, i am so angry...
and so so hurt...
this isn't me talking...
it's AYA unleashed!

Hindi ko Kaya!!!

Ang sabi ko sa sarili ko...
Kaya kitang kalimutan...
At nagawa ko yun...
Matapos ang lahat ng luha...
Nagawa ko yun!
Naalis ko sa puso ko ang paghahangad...
Na mahalin mo rin ako tulad ng pagmamahal ko sa yo...
Natira ang pagmamahal sa isang kaibigan.
Alam kong mabubuhay ako...
Kahit wala ka sa aking tabi...
Mabubuhay ako!
Pero hindi ko sinabi na...
Pwede ka nang mamatay...
Ang sabi ko...
Mabubuhay ako nang wala ka sa tabi ko...
Hindi nang patay ka!
Ano ka ba naman...
Wala namang ganyanan...
Hindi ko kaya yun!

LoViNG You iS NoT aN eaSY THiNG To Do

Loving you has never been easy for me...
Almost every minute I spend with you is steeped in pain...
It is as if every happy memory is a stolen moment...
And all that I could hold on to is an aching reality...
That even if I give you my life...
I could never really have you!